I’m not a teen-aged girl anymore but I sure like kissing. I remember those delicious, long, long, deep kisses with my boyfriends. I just loved it when Kevin Costner told Susan Sarandon: “And I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet, kisses that last three days.” That line is from Bull Durham. I love that movie!
Kissing feels good and it makes you feel wanted, desired, and more self-confident. It increases your libido. It makes you really like your lover. Kissing connects and binds you to him. Good, passionate kissing is an adrenaline rush. It makes you feel alive!
Sometimes when you are in a long term relationship, the thrill of kissing disappears. It can become routine or just a prelude to sex. It is easy to forget just how good kissing feels. You wonder if marriage is the end of passion and romance. It’s sad, but it happens. I was thinking about this the other day and decided to do some research.
First, why is kissing important. Why do we kiss? Why do we like kissing?
Kissing is thought to be a biological method for determining compatibility and attraction. Women are more likely to be attracted to men who have a different genetic makeup. Children from such a union would be healthier and stronger. Men are trying to attract a sex partner.
Both women and men exchange a lot of saliva during passionate kisses. Saliva is mostly water with germs, antibodies, genetic material, hormones, enzymes, etc. It could be attractive or disgusting depending on how it is chemically perceived. Theoretically, potentially good mates should taste really good. Also, kissing places the couple close enough to detect pheromones by smell and taste. Pheromones are thought to be airborne chemicals which are released in human sweat. These pheromones are like aphrodisiacs for certain people.
There are many physical and emotional benefits to be had from kissing. Most of them are based on chemistry and biology. During kissing, two neurotransmitters are stimulated through pressure points on the lips and tongue. Dopamine is a chemical that causes pleasure and serotonin is a happiness chemical. These two chemicals cause the release of oxytocin. Oxytocin has been called the love hormone. Although it is mostly known to help with childbirth and nursing, it also has an anti-anxiety effect and helps with romantic attachment. It also helps with trust and relaxation. Oxytocin has also been called the “monogamy” hormone. Both kissing and sex stimulate the production of oxytocin which causes an attraction and binding effect in men and women. It could be a little addicting.
Testosterone is also present in men’s saliva. Testosterone stimulates the sex drive in women. Lots of wet, sloppy kisses can make women feel sexier and more attracted to their men. Of course, no one likes a slobbery kiss. Wet, deep, sweet, and slow kisses are the best!!!!
Kissing and hugging are very important in a happy relationship. Kissing causes greater physical attraction, increased compatibility, increased sex drive, relaxation, a lowering of blood pressure, increased calorie consumption, a tendency towards monogamy, and it even helps to reduce cavities. Just 10 seconds of kissing can accomplish all that. Two minutes is even better. Who would have though that something that feels so good would be good for you too!!! That hardly ever happens.
So, is marriage the end of kissing and romance?
It doesn’t have to be. Kissing and hugging make you feel good and more tolerant towards your lover. Kissing has a powerful bonding effect and makes a person feel sexier. All scientific studies have found a distinct correlation between a more satisfying relationship with a greater frequency of kissing.
Arizona State University found that couples who were asked to kiss frequently reported less stress, more relationship satisfaction, and a decrease in “bad” cholesterol. The couples exercised more, argued less, and understood each other more.
Kissing may become a lost art in marriage for several reasons. Laziness. Lack of time. Fatigue. Sexual incompatibility. Addiction. Awkwardness. Boredom. Kissing may lead to sex and maybe you don’t want that especially the “Wham, bam, thank you Ma’am” variety. People who stop kissing miss out on a lot of fun and intimacy as well as the other benefits listed above.
Pleasure kissing improves intimacy. Kissing stimulates the lips, tongue, and mouth. The lips, mouth, and tongue have many nerve endings and are very sensitive to touch and taste. For couples who have worked all day and are tired, kissing may be a way to feel good without the effort of sex. Sex focuses more on sex and climaxing and less on intimacy. Kissing, hugging, sex, climax. It’s all good.
- The “Hello” kiss.
- The “I’m So Excited” kiss.
- The “It’s Going to Be All Right” kiss.
- The “I love You So Much” kiss.
- The I’m So Sorry” kiss.
- The “I’m Going to Ravish You Now” kiss.
- The “Silly Kiss”.
- The “I think You’re Hot” kiss.
- The “You’re Just So Darned Cute” kiss.
- The “Good-bye kiss.
Sheila’s blog; To Love, Honor, and Vacuum has loads and loads very, very helpful marriage advice and tips. I check in whenever I get a little lost. Men truly are a different species!
If your kissing has become a little boring maybe it needs a little tune-up. In the movie, Gone With the Wind, Rhett Butler says to Scarlett O’Hara: ” You should be kissed often and by someone who knows how.” I love that movie! So, how can you become a better kisser?
Mindfulness is probably the most important quality of great kissing. It may be even better than technique. Great Peace Academy recommends the following ten steps for mindful kissing:
- Stop what you are doing.
- Focus on the kiss
- Lean into him/her
- Hold his face
- Realize that this is a special moment
- Hold the kiss
- Breathe in
- Look him in the eye
- Tell him you love him.
Most kissing advice is the same. Here is a summary:
- You must be kissable. You want to be clean and you need to smell good but not overpowering. Your breath needs to smell good too, preferable minty. You want your teeth and tongue to be clean and fresh. Lips should be smooth and supple. Apply lip balm.
- Begin kissing lightly. Don’t drool.
- Use your hands to caress his face, neck, hair, and other body parts.
- Work up to little kisses on his cheek, ears, neck, and then slowly move to more passionate kisses.
- Place your arms around him.
- Remember that kissing is like dancing. Taking turns leading will teach you what he likes and vice versa.
- Just go with the flow and remember to breathe.
Orgasmic Kissing is a technique that I found at elephantjournal.com. Interesting. Orgasmic kissing involves the whole mouth. The genital areas are lined up and are pressed slowly and firmly in response to the speed of kissing. Start slow with butterfly kisses and use your hand to gently caress the neck, shoulders, and ears. Increase pressure and speed and type of kisses (nibbling, sucking, licking) as arousal increases. Women are more likely to achieve orgasm this way. Supposedly, lips are 100 times more sensitive than genitals.
Kissing is the most intimate and exciting thing you can do with another person. Live! Love! Kiss! Hug! Life is good!